From Chaos to Connection

 

    My niece announced on social media that she wrote and published a book. When I read the post, I reacted with quiet jealously. I coiled inside myself like nine-year-old me when my friend stepped onto the school bus wearing the prettiest dress I had ever seen -- clumps of purple grapes and green leaves splashed against an off-white fabric.

    I am not proud of either of those reactions. For now, I will skip over the childhood memories and move on to my niece's exciting, shattering news, and before you flail me with a big stick, please know that I congratulated Lori, and that I created my own social media post touting her accomplishment, so my friends could see. 

    Nevertheless, I felt a twinge of despair, and this is why:

    Lori beat me to the finish line, even though we were not in a race, and neither of us knew the other one was writing a book. For years I had been secretly writing, editing, writing, editing, and I thought I would be the first (and only) author in my great big family, but I dragged my feet and missed the boat. 

    After reading Lori's initial post, I ordered her book. When it arrived, I thumbed through the pages and skimmed a couple of chapters, dismissing it as elementary. She had written about how to achieve and maintain a happy marriage, and I saw no need to delve into tips for marital bliss, having racked up decades of marriage to the same man. I laid the paperback on my stack, and there it stayed, until a few months ago, when my inner voice spoke to me again, telling me to give it a fair shake. So, I did. I read every word, and in the process, I admitted that my initial assessment was grossly inaccurate. I also gleaned some things about my niece: She is skilled in her area of expertise; she is super smart; she is dedicated to saving marriages and improving relationships; and she knows how to write.

    From Chaos to Connection by Lori Epting is loaded with strategies and solutions that, in my view, are applicable to all sorts of relationships, inside and outside of the marriage vows. I wish I had read her book early in my married life. Doing so might have helped me figure out some things about myself long before I did. 

    I like that she doesn't wait until the end of the book to tell her professional secrets. In the second chapter, she reveals the key to marital success. I won't spill the beans here. 

    Lori's gentle and comedic nature shines through her writing. She waits until the next to the last chapter to write about sex, because she is so uncomfortable talking about it. This chapter is amusing. The reader can almost see Lori squirming in her chair. Also, I commend her for using the grawlix (substituting symbols for letters), instead of spelling out profanities. Surely, we are cut from the same cloth. She recognizes that her readers come from all walks of life, and that some do not read books containing profanity. She took measures not to offend us.  

    Not only does From Chaos to Connection contain scads of strategies on building relationships, it is also entertaining. Lori writes in a down-to-earth, cute way. "Whoa, Nellie!" is not a phrase one would expect to find in a book or manual written by a professional, but Lori gets away with it, and the use of unexpected expressions such as that one makes her even more likeable and relatable. 

    After reading her book, I know her even better than I did before. I see clearly how much her work means to her, and how she almost springs into cartwheels across the lawn when her clients "get it," and a marriage is saved. She is straightforward and generous with her knowledge, and she delights the reader with humor and personal stories. I am heartened that Lori reveals her idyllic upbringing and speaks so admirably of her parents, i.e., my brother, Robert, and my sister-in-law, Cathy.

    Since spotting Lori's initial post on social media, four years have passed, and I still have not published a book. My priority list is upside down, as I have been prioritizing other tasks. But I am not giving up. The finish line is in sight, and I am mustering up the nerve. One of these days, hopefully before hell freezes over, I will join the ranks of Lori and my friends who have books with their names on the covers, and hopefully, like Lori, I will calm some of the chaos and make a connection.