From Chaos to Connection

 

    My niece announced on social media that she wrote and published a book. When I read the post, I reacted with quiet jealously, coiling inside myself like nine-year-old me when my friend stepped onto the school bus wearing the prettiest dress I had ever seen -- clumps of purple grapes and green leaves splashed on an off-white fabric.

    I am not proud of either of those reactions, and for the time being, I will skip over childhood longings and move on to my niece's exciting and enviable news. But before my readers flail me with a big stick, please know that I congratulated Lori, and that I created my own social media post spotlighting her accomplishment.

    Nevertheless, I felt a twinge of despair, and this is why:

    Lori beat me to the finish line, even though we were not in a race, and neither one of us knew the other was writing a book. For years I had been secretly writing, editing, writing, editing, and I thought I would be the first (and only) author in my great big family, but I dragged my feet and missed the boat. 

    After reading Lori's initial post, I ordered her book. When it arrived, I thumbed through the pages and skimmed a couple of chapters, dismissing it as elementary. She had written about how to achieve and maintain a happy marriage, and as someone who has racked up decades of marriage to the same man, I saw no need to delve into tips for marital bliss. I laid the paperback on my stack, and there it stayed, until a few months ago, when my inner voice spoke to me again, telling me to give it a fair shake. So, I did. I read every word, and in the process, I admitted that my initial assessment was grossly inaccurate. I also gleaned some things about my niece: She is skilled in her area of expertise; she is super smart; she is dedicated to saving marriages and improving relationships; and she knows how to write.

    From Chaos to Connection by Lori Epting is loaded with strategies and solutions that, in my view, are applicable to all sorts of relationships, inside and outside of the marriage vows. Everyone who is married or soon to be should read her book. I wish I had read it early in my married life. Doing so might have helped me figure out some things about myself long before I did. 

    I like that she doesn't wait until the end of the book to tell her professional secrets. In the second chapter, she reveals the key to marital success. I won't spill the beans here. 

    Lori's gentle and comedic nature shines through her writing. She waits until the next to the last chapter to write about sex, because she is so uncomfortable talking about it. The reader can almost see Lori squirming in her chair. Also, I commend her for using the grawlix (substituting symbols for letters), instead of spelling out profanities. Surely, we are cut from the same cloth. 

    Not only does From Chaos to Connection contain scads of strategies on building relationships, it is also entertaining. Lori writes in a down-to-earth, cute way. "Whoa, Nellie!" is not a phrase one would expect to find in a book or manual written by a professional, but Lori gets away with it, and the use of unexpected expressions such as that one makes her even more likeable and relatable. 

    After reading her book, I know her even better than I did before. I see clearly how much her work means to her, and how she almost springs into cartwheels across the lawn when her clients "get it," and a marriage is saved. She is straightforward and generous with her knowledge, and she delights the reader with humor and personal stories. I am heartened that Lori reveals her idyllic upbringing and speaks so admirably of her parents, i.e., my brother and sister-in-law.

    Since spotting Lori's initial post on social media, some years have passed, and I am still ambling toward the finish line and mustering up the nerve. One of these years, I will join her and many of my friends who have their names on book covers. In the meantime, through words on paper, I will keep on writing, editing, writing, editing, and calming the chaos and making a connection.